Run to the hills

So... the more astute amongst you may have realised that this is the first post in some time.  I make no apologies for this, for one simple reason.  For the last 18 days i have been in hiding. 

It started out like any other normal day, I was at the newsagents looking for Christmas gift ideas in Guns & Ammo magazine and chatting with Mike, (who owns the shop and is fully aware that ZA Day is coming) when I heard a faint moaning sound.  I put it down to my over active imagination and the George A Romero marathon the previous night.  I had just replaced  the magazine, hoping that the Army has a surplus weapons shop, when I heard the noise again, except this time much louder.  Now my Zombie sense was tingling, so I ran to the door and realised that my prayers had been answered when shuffling towards the shop came around 40 of the walking dead.  FINALLY, ZA Day was upon us.  The other side of the street was clear so I made a run for it, and when I looked over I saw that they had piled into Mike's shop.  Still, we all know that come the day, sentimentality equals death so I carried on running and left Mike to his own fate.

5 minutes later I arrived home, grabbed my Zombie Survival kit and jumped on to my neighbours motorcycle.

The roads seemed pretty clear, with no obvious panic driving which led me to believe word had not spread.  This gave me a huge advantage.  I raced to my pre-arranged bunker and locked down. 

It wasn't pretty, but I stayed in there alone for 18 days, surviving on the rations I had left there.  The highlight was most definitely the Kendal mint cake which I'm sure kept me sane.  I passed the time mainly by reading in torchlight and making a list of the recently deceased that I knew whilst they were alive and ranking them in order of most pleasure derived from hunting down and destroying.

When the food began to run low, I had to plan my next moves, which began with a trip gun shop I know.
I'm not going to go into the plan now, as you obviously all have your own and I don't want to bore you.
Yesterday was the day the food finally ran out (4 days longer than I'd planned for, so that was a success) and so I grabbed my baseball bat and my trusty survival kit, took a deep breath and went outside.

Imagine my surprise then, when far from the blazing wreck of an apocalypse torn city, strewn with corpses and filled with Zombies, what greeted me was Christmas lights and busy shoppers.  Now there is some argument that Christmas shoppers are indeed zombies, but i can't justify caving in their heads with a baseball bat on those grounds.

I went home and everything was as it should be, a few letters piled up near the door.  My neighbour came over to say hi (or more accurately, what the f**k did i do to his bike, which I explained.  He's happy though as his insurance gave him a shiny new one, and I'm happy as I now get to torch the old one, or evidence as it's now known!).

I was now very confused, so I ran over to Mike's shop, and there he was, bold as brass behind the counter.   It turns out that he'd arranged for a "zombie flash mob" for a laugh.  What a sick thing to do.

So today I'm left with the huge disappointment of everyday life and the fact that the dead do not yet walk amongst us.  It was nice to give the bunker a test run though.  I now have to restock the food and books.  Still, at least I know I'm ready, the question is are you.

Remember, ZA Day is coming, keep your wits, keep your brains