So...I didn't get a crossbow for christmas... hopefully I'll find a decent one in the January sales. I did however get 7 sporks. I think maybe I need to stop talking about the virtues of the humble spork. Hope you all had a fantastic and zombie free Christmas. I have a feeling that next year is ripe for ZA Day, so make it your new years resolution to make sure you're ready, and double check all of your preparations. A prepared ZA Day is a happy ZA Day.
Keep your wits, Keep your brains
C
Sunday 26 December 2010
Saturday 18 December 2010
Run to the hills
So... the more astute amongst you may have realised that this is the first post in some time. I make no apologies for this, for one simple reason. For the last 18 days i have been in hiding.
It started out like any other normal day, I was at the newsagents looking for Christmas gift ideas in Guns & Ammo magazine and chatting with Mike, (who owns the shop and is fully aware that ZA Day is coming) when I heard a faint moaning sound. I put it down to my over active imagination and the George A Romero marathon the previous night. I had just replaced the magazine, hoping that the Army has a surplus weapons shop, when I heard the noise again, except this time much louder. Now my Zombie sense was tingling, so I ran to the door and realised that my prayers had been answered when shuffling towards the shop came around 40 of the walking dead. FINALLY, ZA Day was upon us. The other side of the street was clear so I made a run for it, and when I looked over I saw that they had piled into Mike's shop. Still, we all know that come the day, sentimentality equals death so I carried on running and left Mike to his own fate.
5 minutes later I arrived home, grabbed my Zombie Survival kit and jumped on to my neighbours motorcycle.
The roads seemed pretty clear, with no obvious panic driving which led me to believe word had not spread. This gave me a huge advantage. I raced to my pre-arranged bunker and locked down.
It wasn't pretty, but I stayed in there alone for 18 days, surviving on the rations I had left there. The highlight was most definitely the Kendal mint cake which I'm sure kept me sane. I passed the time mainly by reading in torchlight and making a list of the recently deceased that I knew whilst they were alive and ranking them in order of most pleasure derived from hunting down and destroying.
When the food began to run low, I had to plan my next moves, which began with a trip gun shop I know.
I'm not going to go into the plan now, as you obviously all have your own and I don't want to bore you.
Yesterday was the day the food finally ran out (4 days longer than I'd planned for, so that was a success) and so I grabbed my baseball bat and my trusty survival kit, took a deep breath and went outside.
Imagine my surprise then, when far from the blazing wreck of an apocalypse torn city, strewn with corpses and filled with Zombies, what greeted me was Christmas lights and busy shoppers. Now there is some argument that Christmas shoppers are indeed zombies, but i can't justify caving in their heads with a baseball bat on those grounds.
I went home and everything was as it should be, a few letters piled up near the door. My neighbour came over to say hi (or more accurately, what the f**k did i do to his bike, which I explained. He's happy though as his insurance gave him a shiny new one, and I'm happy as I now get to torch the old one, or evidence as it's now known!).
I was now very confused, so I ran over to Mike's shop, and there he was, bold as brass behind the counter. It turns out that he'd arranged for a "zombie flash mob" for a laugh. What a sick thing to do.
So today I'm left with the huge disappointment of everyday life and the fact that the dead do not yet walk amongst us. It was nice to give the bunker a test run though. I now have to restock the food and books. Still, at least I know I'm ready, the question is are you.
Remember, ZA Day is coming, keep your wits, keep your brains
It started out like any other normal day, I was at the newsagents looking for Christmas gift ideas in Guns & Ammo magazine and chatting with Mike, (who owns the shop and is fully aware that ZA Day is coming) when I heard a faint moaning sound. I put it down to my over active imagination and the George A Romero marathon the previous night. I had just replaced the magazine, hoping that the Army has a surplus weapons shop, when I heard the noise again, except this time much louder. Now my Zombie sense was tingling, so I ran to the door and realised that my prayers had been answered when shuffling towards the shop came around 40 of the walking dead. FINALLY, ZA Day was upon us. The other side of the street was clear so I made a run for it, and when I looked over I saw that they had piled into Mike's shop. Still, we all know that come the day, sentimentality equals death so I carried on running and left Mike to his own fate.
5 minutes later I arrived home, grabbed my Zombie Survival kit and jumped on to my neighbours motorcycle.
The roads seemed pretty clear, with no obvious panic driving which led me to believe word had not spread. This gave me a huge advantage. I raced to my pre-arranged bunker and locked down.
It wasn't pretty, but I stayed in there alone for 18 days, surviving on the rations I had left there. The highlight was most definitely the Kendal mint cake which I'm sure kept me sane. I passed the time mainly by reading in torchlight and making a list of the recently deceased that I knew whilst they were alive and ranking them in order of most pleasure derived from hunting down and destroying.
When the food began to run low, I had to plan my next moves, which began with a trip gun shop I know.
I'm not going to go into the plan now, as you obviously all have your own and I don't want to bore you.
Yesterday was the day the food finally ran out (4 days longer than I'd planned for, so that was a success) and so I grabbed my baseball bat and my trusty survival kit, took a deep breath and went outside.
Imagine my surprise then, when far from the blazing wreck of an apocalypse torn city, strewn with corpses and filled with Zombies, what greeted me was Christmas lights and busy shoppers. Now there is some argument that Christmas shoppers are indeed zombies, but i can't justify caving in their heads with a baseball bat on those grounds.
I went home and everything was as it should be, a few letters piled up near the door. My neighbour came over to say hi (or more accurately, what the f**k did i do to his bike, which I explained. He's happy though as his insurance gave him a shiny new one, and I'm happy as I now get to torch the old one, or evidence as it's now known!).
I was now very confused, so I ran over to Mike's shop, and there he was, bold as brass behind the counter. It turns out that he'd arranged for a "zombie flash mob" for a laugh. What a sick thing to do.
So today I'm left with the huge disappointment of everyday life and the fact that the dead do not yet walk amongst us. It was nice to give the bunker a test run though. I now have to restock the food and books. Still, at least I know I'm ready, the question is are you.
Remember, ZA Day is coming, keep your wits, keep your brains
Saturday 27 November 2010
All I want for christmas is for mummy to stop trying to eat my brains
The festive season is upon us, and with it comes the dreaded question "what do you want for Christmas?"
Well my fellow future survivors, now you need no longer fear, for I have compiled a list of present to suit any budget. Because a prepared Christmas is a happy Christmas. (plus it will save you valuable time when looting if you have these items already!)
Under £5
pure
because nothing says i love you like water purification tablets
Greatest survival tool ever
EVERYONE needs one of these...fact
Under £10
strike
come on baby, light my fire
heads up
for that eerie mood lighting
tie a knot
because the living impaired won't stop, neither should you!
around £20
camel
Cos you'll be doing a lot of running!!!
£50 or under
swing
Swing batter batter batter
walkies
For those initial forays into the survival unknown
And for the unlimited budget...and therefore the most fun
essential
Essential Survival gear
mmmmmm
Drool at the prospect
Overkill?!?
A boy can dream can't he?!?
I hope this has given you a few more options for presents this Christmas, and feel free to send me any of these! :)
Until the next time...keep your wits, keep your brains
Wednesday 24 November 2010
Future Survivors Forum
I've set up a Forum so we can all discuss plans, tactics, weapons and anything else we may need to survive Z.A Day. Please feel free to participate as knowledge is power. Just click the link on the left
Bloody Liberal Pansies
I've recently been contacted by various "Human Rights" Groups telling me that I am inciting violence and hatred, and I am nothing more than a petty racist because of my views towards the "Otherwise Living". They claim that zombies are just another form of human, and they are right, they are human...DEAD HUMAN! I agree that i do discriminate against the Walking Dead, as I'm sure I would discriminate against anybody else who's sole purpose on the planet was to EAT MY BRAINS!!!
I would like to say on behalf of all future survivors, and with the utmost sincerity...I hope you are amongst the last of your family and friends to be turned into dinner. That way you will suffer the horror not only of having all the people you love trying to eat your brains, but also trying to scramble out a meagre existence because you weren't prepared for ZA Day. I'm also quite looking forward to seeing you trying to reason with the Recently Deceased, as, with the lack of television and the Internet, free entertainment will be most welcome. Here's how I envision this happening:
"Let's all sit down and discuss this like adults!"
"urggghhhggghhghggg"
"would you like some tea and...ouch, that's my arm you've just bitten, now there's no need for violence. Please, if we could just sit down and...oh god... OH GOD!!!....agghhhghhghghghhghghghh" followed by slurping and gurgling noises.
Two head shots later and you've legitimately killed an over liberal necro-negotiator and they don't pose a threat after they die!
Sorry for the rant, but it really is starting to annoy me and we have to show these do-gooders that we won't sit idle.
I will resume normal updates soon, so until then, remember, keep your wits, keep your brains
Chris
I would like to say on behalf of all future survivors, and with the utmost sincerity...I hope you are amongst the last of your family and friends to be turned into dinner. That way you will suffer the horror not only of having all the people you love trying to eat your brains, but also trying to scramble out a meagre existence because you weren't prepared for ZA Day. I'm also quite looking forward to seeing you trying to reason with the Recently Deceased, as, with the lack of television and the Internet, free entertainment will be most welcome. Here's how I envision this happening:
"Let's all sit down and discuss this like adults!"
"urggghhhggghhghggg"
"would you like some tea and...ouch, that's my arm you've just bitten, now there's no need for violence. Please, if we could just sit down and...oh god... OH GOD!!!....agghhhghhghghghhghghghh" followed by slurping and gurgling noises.
Two head shots later and you've legitimately killed an over liberal necro-negotiator and they don't pose a threat after they die!
Sorry for the rant, but it really is starting to annoy me and we have to show these do-gooders that we won't sit idle.
I will resume normal updates soon, so until then, remember, keep your wits, keep your brains
Chris
Monday 22 November 2010
Why is my throat so sore and who the devil left tubes in my arm???
The majority of you who will survive Z.A Day will not initially realise anything has happened at all, having been in a medically induced coma following a car crash/medical experiment gone wrong/gangland shooting/DIY accident. So, when the drugs in your system finally flush themselves out of your shrivelled and malnourished body, the two main feelings you will be experiencing are disorientation and thirst. That's right, think about it, when was the last time you had a tall glass of water? That drip attached to your arm had long since emptied, so at this point I would advise removing this, along with any cannulas and other wires and tubes attached to you. With the disorientation wearing off, the specter of dread should be beginning to take hold. There's no one around, and you're fairly sure that the smear on the glass is a bloody hand print. Firstly, slowly amble your way over to your side table, where hopefully the strange jug that is ever present in hospitals will be...present. If not, put your thirst aside until you can find some bottled water.
Now slowly reach down to your bedside table, take out your clothes that will be neatly folded there,along with your zombie survival kit (which you should always carry) and after getting dressed, creep slowly to the door. Peer down the corridors in order to access any threat from the Walking Dead. Hopefully, the hospital will be clear, having been the starting point for most Zombies to work out from. However, if a few do remain, gather your courage, take the "Spork" from your survival kit and go in for the kill. A quick jab to the eye will usually do the trick, but make sure you mean it.
Having made your way outside, follow the plans from the first post and find a safe place to plan your new life of survival. Please remember to take extra care around fellow survivors as your malnourished frame will look like one of the Recently Deceased. If possible, make a sign to hang around your neck, as this may help to buy valuable seconds to convince them of your "Life Status"
In the near future I will answer some recent comments regarding the pros and cons of various vehicles, testing of close combat weapons, and as Christmas is just around the corner, a handy shopping guide for the future survivors in your family.
Until the next time, stay safe and as always, keep your wits, keep your brains.
Now slowly reach down to your bedside table, take out your clothes that will be neatly folded there,along with your zombie survival kit (which you should always carry) and after getting dressed, creep slowly to the door. Peer down the corridors in order to access any threat from the Walking Dead. Hopefully, the hospital will be clear, having been the starting point for most Zombies to work out from. However, if a few do remain, gather your courage, take the "Spork" from your survival kit and go in for the kill. A quick jab to the eye will usually do the trick, but make sure you mean it.
Having made your way outside, follow the plans from the first post and find a safe place to plan your new life of survival. Please remember to take extra care around fellow survivors as your malnourished frame will look like one of the Recently Deceased. If possible, make a sign to hang around your neck, as this may help to buy valuable seconds to convince them of your "Life Status"
In the near future I will answer some recent comments regarding the pros and cons of various vehicles, testing of close combat weapons, and as Christmas is just around the corner, a handy shopping guide for the future survivors in your family.
Until the next time, stay safe and as always, keep your wits, keep your brains.
Establishing the "Life Status" of friends and loved ones
Today, In the first of a two post bonanza day, we will learn a very important lesson in the fight for survival, Establishing "Life Status". As we all know, misery loves company, and the temptation to take all of your friends and family with you will be great. However, this will not always be practical, as at least one of the people you love WILL be Recently Deceased. The key to success is establishing which of them has joined the legions of the Walking Dead. The easiest way to do this is by using the handy acronym "THIMBLE"
* Talking - If they can talk, they're not a Zombie (yet)
* Holding - If they are holding weapons they are probably OK, if they are holding somebody else's limb, this would normally point to zombie, best to kill them just to be on the safe side.
*Inhaling - If they ain't inhaling, start the impaling
* Moaning - are they moaning pitifully? This may just be a disgruntled spouse, but kill them anyway, Remember...kill first ask questions later
* Brains - are they trying to eat yours? If they are...well...need I say more?!?
* Lost Parts - Severed Limbs are a good pointer to undeath
* Eating - are they eating a puppy/kitten/neighbour. If this is unusual for them, chances are they're a zombie
Remember to use THIMBLE whenever you encounter anybody and you'll soon be able to spot the Life Status of even the most difficult to spot Zombies.
Keep your wits, keep your brains
Chris
* Talking - If they can talk, they're not a Zombie (yet)
* Holding - If they are holding weapons they are probably OK, if they are holding somebody else's limb, this would normally point to zombie, best to kill them just to be on the safe side.
*Inhaling - If they ain't inhaling, start the impaling
* Moaning - are they moaning pitifully? This may just be a disgruntled spouse, but kill them anyway, Remember...kill first ask questions later
* Brains - are they trying to eat yours? If they are...well...need I say more?!?
* Lost Parts - Severed Limbs are a good pointer to undeath
* Eating - are they eating a puppy/kitten/neighbour. If this is unusual for them, chances are they're a zombie
Remember to use THIMBLE whenever you encounter anybody and you'll soon be able to spot the Life Status of even the most difficult to spot Zombies.
Keep your wits, keep your brains
Chris
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